Running

I had a good talk with my sister Carol today. One of the things that came up was the ease with which we can get gloomy about heavy stuff and our tendency to stay in the gloom...and how counter-productive that can be for ourselves and the people around us. She suggested I write a post about it and lo! I already had one! I searched my drafts and there it was...the very first post I ever wrote, written back in July of 2009 - for some reason, I've never actually posted it. Just waiting for the 'right' time, I guess...hope that means now...


Anyway, here it is:


I was running nice and early one morning back in April. I'd had to drag myself out of bed to make it happen. Not the usual for me - I'm an early riser (note: that's 'early riser,' not 'morning person,' There is a difference....). But today I
really would rather have rolled over for the half hour it would take to run.

I'd chosen Chris Tomlin on the ipod: "Holy is the Lord" and he's singing with all his usual gusto, but today I am just not feeling it. Janie & I had been through yet another 'rough patch' with several health issues and I am physically (lack of sleep) and emotionally (worry) exhausted. Chris is singing, "We stand and lift up our hands, for the joy of the Lord is our strength..." and I am having just no reaction to his words at all. Neutral. Not quite numb, just...neutral. I am aware of only three things: my breathing, the music and the pavement. Otherwise, nothing. Neutral.

Finally, a question emerges into my consciousness: do you suppose God is unhappy with my neutral reaction to the words, "Holy is the Lord God Almighty. The earth is filled with His glory?" I mean, shouldn't there be something, anything, when a Christian is exhorted to exult in the meaning of the words, "the joy of the Lord is our strength?"

But sometimes the joy just isn't there.

Which made me ask myself: Is that sin?

So I got home and sat and read my bible for a while. And mulled the question. I definitely, absolutely, conclusively concluded that it may-or-may-not-be sinful to have no reaction to a call for joy. But seriously, recalling past conversations with my friend Doug Aldrich about worshiping God when one is not 'feeling it,' I came to another conclusion as well. I think, (or at least I hope) that perhaps I might have actually pleased God that joyless morning. Let me explain.

God knows we are sinners and He knows that we face tough circumstances that pound the stuffing out of us. Beyond that, I believe He also designs that we go through some tough stuff for our betterment. Romans 5:3-4 says, "Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope." (Also check out 1 Peter 1:6-7, James 1:2-4 and 5:10-11, Philippians 1:29, 2 Corinthians 4:7-9 and 16-17.)

So how might I have pleased God that numb April morning?

I just wonder if it might please God when His people, in the face of the tough stuff, get up anyway and get out of bed, put on the Nikes, put on the music and try to get on with things. Kind of like how Rocky Balboa - when he's had the stuffing beaten out of him in the boxing ring - gets up one...more...time. He's all bloody and bruised, but still he gets up again. And again. And again.

Isn't God pleased when we get up and get going, even when we're not 'feeling it?'

I have a naturally melancholy disposition, so introversion and introspective feelings are home base for me. But I have been learning that wallowing in a depressive funk and glooming on the couch of depression is actually pretty self-centered (even narcissistic?). In my gut I feel like it's probably closely related to the sin of pride. Like Janie & I have told our kids countless times: what's in the middle of "sin?" "i!" And we were created for GOD-centeredness. There is no "i" in "God-centered."


God doesn't leave us alone to sort this stuff out; He's working on changing me and that's so great. He's so faithful to me and insists on giving me His Presence, even when I get dull and lifeless. So yeah, I may not have been on the mountain top that morning as I jogged with Chris Tomlin. But I was out there. And that's half the battle.

You don't get out of the valley by standing still.