Tuesday, November 8, 2011

F.A.S.T.ing and Sacrifice

Becca has (probably) started the NEXT BIG THING, and it's called, Fantastically Awkward Sweater Tuesday, or, F.A.S.T. for short. The first Tuesday of every month, she and her friends wear really hideous sweaters, like from the eighties. Not like the awesome Bill Cosby ones, either (well, actually, they are exactly like those). So far, they've had great success at thrift stores finding some very dreadful selections. When they wear these haute couture masterpieces, and are inevitably asked why they are wearing them, they can reply, "I'm F.A.S.T.ing!" And after all, hideous sweaters are the new hipster thing.

So I trotted off to the local thrift store to peruse the ladies ugly sweater aisle. Oh, yes I did peruse the ladies ugly sweater aisle.

 "Chris," you say, "why in the world would you risk your manhood and reputation by perusing the ladies sweater aisle for an ugly sweater?" Well, let me tell you about my mom.

My mom had noticed, when I was, say, six or seven years old, that
I could use a friend. There were the local neighborhood pals, but she saw in me a need for a true friend, one that would never leave, and always be there waiting for me on my bed. A friend. Of the stuffed variety. Now I was a sensitive little guy, and she wanted to pick out the exact right stuffed animal for my birthday that year. So here's what she did: she went to the toy store and looked over each stuffed animal, be it a dog or cat or some other stuffed creature. And with no regard for how she might be perceived by other shoppers, right there in the store she hugged each one. And she found Henry. And he was perfect, and was my constant companion and fit just right under my arm when I slept.

When I finally grew up and got married and had a son, I gave Henry to him. And now the son is big and hairy and has gone off to college, and Henry still sits on the shelf...in the back and on top and gathering dust with the old plastic models and Nintendo game cartridges. But Henry has now served two generations of boys, albeit with ripped and re-sewn ears, arms, legs and tail, and with no tongue. And a glued-in eye. And a silly putty stain that just would not come out. All because a mom risked her own reputation for the sake of her little boy's happiness.

As I stood there at the head of the ladies aisle there in the thrift store, hesitating lest I be seen in said aisle, flipping through the hangers of ladies sweaters, I thought of all this. And it was the image of my mom hugging stuffed dogs in a toy store that propelled me down the aisle. Now I wish I could say I found something truly, awesomely hideous, but actually, they were all rather nice. So I moved along.

My shopping excursion wasn't a total loss, however! I picked this up for $25! Yay for me!


  1. "Aww, it's Henry!" I said it aloud as I opened your blog today. :)

    I loved that little guy. He is wonderful. I didn't know he was your hairy son's friend, too. That's quite wonderful.

    The sweater part is cool too.

  2. I loved this article, and I must have really loved it because this is the THIRD time I have tried to leave a comment about it! But here I am again, partly because this article is amazing and partly because of the email content you sent me earlier today when I told you your blug rejected me: "Hmm, I don't know why it rejected you...if it would just get to know you it would see you aren't so bad ;-)" Ahhhh, brother Chris, you are so funny. But seriously - great article - and I especially liked the part where I clicked on the link at the bottom, expecting to be brought to a picture of an ugly sweater, only to discover you are now a portable rower guy. So I hope your next article is "Rowing NoWhere" or "How I Threw My Back On My Journey To Getting Ripped" HA! Well - anyway - I better see if all this awesomeness that is my comment actually gets accepted by your elitist blog... Here goes....

  3. Um, one more thing, did you ever notice that my blog is not one of your links over there to the right? How in the world did that happen? You are in like my top ten recommends!! And how did Jon Foreman make the cut but I am NOWHERE? Yeeeesh - what do I need to do - go on tour? Get a haircut with bangs that hang down to my chin? Don't tempt me.

  4. I know I'm commenting again right away, but I can't help myself. The picture of Becca and her friend just makes me LOVE them both so much. Also - wanted to let you know that I checked out all of your links to the right - I think I might be able to successfully replace the 17,000 sermons link. It looks like a lot of information - and do you really want to be promoting "Christ Centered Revival"? Oh wait, I guess you do want to promote that - I do too! Well, how about Do Hard Things? How many teens read this blog anyway? Okay - just a suggestion. Talk to you soon!

  5. Wait, you have a blug Kim? Let me know the address and I'll have a look! Who knows, maybe I'll add it to my recommendations. Wow, I didn't know I could be so mean!

    Just so you know, I only added Jon Foreman's site after he grew a moustache and dyed his hair brown...check out the new look here:


    Actually, I liked this photo of him a little better:


    though this one may be the best picture of Jon Formean I've seen:


    Anyway, yeah, let's consider adding your blug to my list...I'll let you know my rates....

  6. LOVE that my blog is connected with the word "spiftastic." Regarding the links above, they scared me - and I'm pretty sure none of them are Jon Foreman. Was the first one the guy from LOST? The only way I even know to ask that is because my kids and I started watching season one after the young adults in SixTen were all having LOST parties and dressing up and we were like the culturally ignorant family. You are so very funny - and thanks for the link! I will send my payment to you in the form of positivity. Here is my first installment: "You do not smell like feet." : )) (That is a quote from this guy...
    Enjoy! Talk to you soon.

  7. Not the guy from Lost. I'll give you one more guess and then remove your spiftastic blog link from it's prestigious position. Harsh? Not in the least, considering how you made me watch the awful, awful link looking for the phrase, "you do not smell like feet." Just awful. You might get reinstated if you yourself would grow a moustache and dye your hair brown. Thanks(?) for the positivity though.

  8. oh daddy. you're funny. I like that picture of henry too. and kim, I will have you know that I just very awkwardly chuckled out loud. by myself. alone. in my room, because of your snarky comments.

  9. You are both so fun! Chris - did you really go to the Putnam Pig link and watch all the way to the "You Do Not Smell....Like Feet" comment? Oh joy! I can't believe you didn't love it though. Whenever we feel bad about the way we look in my home, we look in the mirror and quote Putnam by saying: "You..are a beautiful pig. You do not smell...like feet." And it always works! I can't believe you are not ready to pick up that tradition! And Becca - I'm so glad we share the same sense of humor and that you laughed at my jokes. Hurray! That makes me feel special on this dreary Thursday! Did you visit the Putnam Pig link? You truly must - I desire the "feet" sentence to enter into the Booth dialectic. : ) Love Kim

  10. Oh, and the guy with the mustache is that same guy who was in that horrible movie where he is constantly and forever traveling across a dessert (no wait, I think he was traveling across a desert instead) on a horse, with lots of sand blowing - and then I fell asleep and have no idea what the rest of the movie is about. And wait - my brain just reminded me, he is also Aragorn. But hasn't done much since then - is that correct? I can't think of his name though. Okay - so I googled it because you are the type to remove my link just to make a point - his name is...wow, I just learned something new - his name is Adrian Webster. Interesting name! I wonder what his middle name is. Wait - in looking for his middle name I discovered something really important - his name is not Adrian Webster - what in the world? His name is Viggo Peter Mortensen Junior, and he is 53! (What? Was he that old in Lord of the Rings? Or did that movie just take FOREVER to make?) And one more thing - he has a son named....wait for it.... HENRY! Is that why you chose him? You are amazing.

  11. Ok, Spiftastic, I admit it: I did not watch Putnam Pig all the way through.Had to shut it DOWN! Just unwatchable. Too painful. I'm sure Nate would shut it DOWN! too. But the "you do not smell like feet" line is rather catchy; actually, I've always said that about you anyway: "Kim? Yeah I know Kim. She doesn't smell like feet."

  12. Indespensable, your final choice was the correct one: Viggo Mortensen of Lord Of The Rings fame. Good for you for figuring it out! I predict you are really good at finding Waldo too! (Did you know they're making a Where's Waldo movie? You won't need to go see it since you'll figure out where he is in the first five minutes.)

    I'm amazed at your madd sleuthing skillz. You figured out that the picture of V. Mortensen was not Jon Foreman. And you figured out that Viggo (star of the interminable desert-trekking movie, Hidalgo' where he, as I recall, punches a horse in the face) has a son named Henry...just like my stuffed animal! Wowie! And I never even intended that, which means you are a super-duper sleuth.

    Actually, Indespensable, due to your figuring-things-out-on-obscure-blogs-skills, I think I've figured out who you are: you're Internationally Acclaimed "DaVinci Code" Author Dan Brown! I'm amazed that someone of your literary stature and fact-finding pizzazz would care to visit my humble little corner of the blogosphere, but hey! Welcome!

  13. And guess what - bizarro coincidence that brings this whole BLOG post full circle - (I wonder if you will even realize that you did not get the last word on this comment run - but I digress.) For Thanksgiving Nate gave us three choices of movies to watch, and guess what the majority (without even knowing about these posts) picked.......(the suspense is killing you).........................HIDALGO! And I slept through it as usual, but I woke up just in time to see him saying goodbye to his horse and wishing him well as he tries to (seemingly unsuccessfully from my vantage point) rejoin a herd of wild horses (what was he thinking?) and then just before his horse turns to leave forever, Viggo says something that sounds EXTREMELY much like Nutter Mudge. And we rewound it SEVERAL times, and it always sounded like nutter mudge, or mutter nudge no matter how high we turned up the volume. You truly must rent it for that portion only. So now, in addition to the line: "You do not smell like feet" (which is an extension of the additionally awesome line of "You are not what you eat" - we now have the parting goodbye saying of "Nutter Mudge" - AND WE LOVE IT! So just wanted to share that update, and to remind you that you do not smell like feet - and NUTTER MUDGE!

  14. Key words that I picked out of your comment: bizarro, digress, Hidalgo, slept, herd of wild horses, Viggo, EXTREMELY, Nutter Mudge, rewound, smell like feet, AND WE LOVE IT!

    This is officially the weirdest comment string ever on this blog....so congratulations and....Nutter Mudge!

  15. Nutter Mudge right back at ya! And by the way, you do not smell like feet.