In Which The Inexplicable Is Explained to Me

Christine Besaw was a wingnut. She knew this because I would say it to her face. She'd bounce in to my 8th grade bible class and wouldn't know that I had seen her making goofy faces at my daughter Becca out in the hall.

"Good morning Mr. Booth," she'd say sweetly.

"Good morning Miss Besaw. You're a wingnut."

It turned out that Chrissy only had three more years to live.
God took her home at the tender age of seventeen on May 18, 2008. The car accident that took her life was just over two years ago now. We were all crushed. But God did so many amazing things through her death...too many to list here really. Her memorial service was just outstanding. I had one of those big, unforgettable experiences of Life at her service.

Job in the bible had always been a bit of an enigma to me. I had always been a little shocked and mystified by poor old Job. Here's a man who in one day lost all of his (substantial) riches...all his flocks, herds and servants...stolen or killed all in one day. And if that weren't enough for one man, he was told by the only surviving servant that all of his sons and daughters are also dead.

And Job's reaction? Extreme grief and, inexplicably, worship.

My whole life I had wondered about Job: how in the world does a man hear that kind of news, have the normal reactions of tearing his robes and shaving his head, but then proceed to fall to the ground in worship? That's crazy talk. God had just allowed (even 'suggested' the idea!) all of Job's children to die. How does Job worship a God who does that? "It makes no sense," I would say.

As I stood in the Besaw's church at Chrissy's memorial service, here is what I saw from my point of view: up on the screen are the words to the song, "Blessed Be Your Name," based on Job chapters 1&2. We are expected to sing these words; I of course had a huge lump in my throat and no voice:

Blessed be Your name
In the land that is plentiful
Where Your streams of abundance flow
Blessed be Your name
And blessed be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed be your name

CHORUS:
Every blessing You pour out I'll
Turn back to praise
And when the darkness closes in, Lord
Still I will say
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Blessed be Your name
When the sun's shining down on me
When the world's "all as it should be"
Blessed be You name
And blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name
I will bless Your name

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name

Just below the screen is Pastor Rainville, singing these words, and in front of him is the pulpit. In front of the pulpit are some beautiful flowers, and in front of them is a casket with Chrissy's body inside. Then there are Chrissy's parents and here's the thing: Chrissy's mom's hands are up in the air. In worship. And she's singing with gusto:  

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name.

That image has been lodged in my brain for these two years:  Lyrics. Pastor. Pulpit. Flowers. Casket. Parents. Hands. Worship.

Fast forward to May 15, 2010. My own wife's memorial service. And after reading all of the above commentary, can you guess what song I chose to be sung? Yes, I chose, among others, "Blessed Be Your Name." 

Because I get it now.

I'm not sure I will be able to add much more to that. I just get it now.

I know with full assurance that Janie has not merely 'passed on' and is, vaguely, 'in a better place,' (as true as those terms may be). But in very specific terms she is with God in heaven. All on account of her trust in Jesus Christ, God-who-became-flesh-so-He-could-save-us. Her savior. Janie's suffering from cancer is over and her death is (for her) not a tragedy - it's a triumph! And sometimes when I let my imagination run I see images of her dancing and leaping for joy and being able to sing again. And I feel like dancing myself.

Now I'm not really a hand-raiser-while-singing kind of guy (sometimes I wish I was), but at her memorial I felt really glad to be singing those words:

You give and take away
You give and take away
My heart will choose to say
Lord, blessed be Your name.

Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your name
Blessed be the name of the Lord
Blessed be Your glorious name.

We all miss Janie real bad. So bad it hurts sometimes. But I'm hoping that while it feels 'tragic' for those of us who remain behind, even for us - even for us - her death will turn out to be, in our lives, a triumph. What I mean by that is this: God can do great things in a person's life when their heart is turned toward Him and is not at cross-purposes to what He is doing. If we can allow ourselves to get on board with His program, we could see amazing things come out of this tragedy. Our lives can look different and we can become better people. And by that I mean becoming people who are more like Jesus, which is God's goal in letting suffering into the lives of His people.

I like to think of Jesus headed out to welcome Janie, and he turns to ask who wants to go with him. And there's Christine Besaw, jumping up and down with a raised hand going, "ooh! ooh! Pick me! Pick me!" And I bet he did. And I bet their reunion was sweet. And mine will be too.