I finally crossed another milestone yesterday when I made an attempt at baking Janie's cookies. It was something I needed to do. Now, for some reading this, there is apathy: so what? Chris made cookies. Big deal. But from others, from those in the know, who have entered into the world of heaven-on-earth rapture that delights the sweet tooth like nothing else on the planet, there is an audible gasp. Chris attempted Janie's chocolate chip cookie recipe? It's too soon...he's just a novice...he's not ready! He's not worthy!
Well, that may be true, but nevertheless, I went in full bore. Let's do this! And I thought to myself, "I know myriads have tried and failed to make them like she did, but it will be different for me." Not only do I have the recipe card - not a copy, mind you, but the original stained and cracked recipe card with her own handwriting on it - but I also
My Grammie, if she were alive today, would have been 100 years old today. She was born on August 14th, 1910. She lived through the roaring twenties, the Great Depression, the 2nd World War, the Lunar Landings, and of course all the of the mundane day to day stuff that we call, "life."
What's cool about her '100th' to me is that she and I shared the same birthday, August 14th. Yep, it's my birthday and I must say it has been different to celebrate it without her all these years since 1999. We all loved her so much and I don't know if I can express how great it was that she lived with our family during my entire childhood.
I had the great privilege of speaking at her Memorial Service. Here's what I said.........
I was playing ping-pong with Carly the other day. Just hacking around - the kind of pinging and ponging where each of us took turns smashing the ball if the opportunity presented itself, which was fairly often since we were just hacking around.
There was this one shot that I lobbed which Carly took full advantage of. I saw her begin to wind up and then suddenly the whole world began to move in slow motion: her paddle rose at half speed till it reached shoulder height, she stretched her arm out to a full back swing; gathering and storing energy till her arm muscles were fully tensioned like a spring, and then the release! Slam! I think I saw sparks as the orange rubbery-bumpled paddle made contact with the little white ball. And Time slowed even more: I could read the print on the ball as it came at me:
So the kids and I spent the day at Soulfest (a 4-day Christian rock music festival) on Wednesday....saw Switchfoot again (3rd time since November - I know, it's a sickness I guess...). We had a great time...even got to hear Jon Foreman do a nice acoustic set on top of Gunstock mountain. There we were on the top of a mountain with the sun shining (blasting really), and the sky was blue and the clouds were white and the dragonflies were darting and we were hearing an acoustic set by our favorite artist. Sweet. And as I soaked in the moment, I thought to myself, "there's really no where else I'd rather be right now..."
And I also thought, "oh what a shame that Janie can't be here to see this - she'd love it." And I caught myself. What! Poor Janie? No, I don't think so. True enough that she'd like it; but with all due respect to the super-spiffy abilities of Jon Foreman, I'm afraid they are nothing compared to the soul-fulfilling happiness that Janie was experiencing in the Presence of Jesus Christ even while we sat on that mountain. And she experiences such joy still, even now as I type this post, and even now as you read it!
"...in Thy presence is fullness of joy!" Psalm 16:11.
July 27, 1985. That was a great day in the lives of Janie-Lynn Brown and Chris Booth. Married at last! We'd dated since we were Sophomores and Juniors (respectively) in high school, and here we were at last, saying "I do" right in front of God and everybody! Nineteen years old! Crazy! Actually, I think lots of people thought we were crazy, gittin' hitched so young, but we knew...we knew in our guts that we were meant for each other for life. And we were. We proved it out over 25 years. Madly in love.
Janie died two months ago today. Amazing. I'm still a little shell-shocked, frankly. Sometimes I can hardly believe this could have happened. Not just (just?) her dying, but the cancer and the surgeries and the treatments and her dying and everything. It just shouldn't have happened...not to Janie, right?
God has a great big purpose in it all, though, for Janie (mission accomplished regarding her, I suppose!), for myself, for my family and for everyone who knew and loved Janie. Who knows how her spirited battle with cancer, and her insistence on the Goodness of God in it all, will repercuss in different people's lives? Kind of like how you see
The following are some notes I made the week after Janie's memorial service for eventual posting here at the blog. My intention was to fashion them into a more readable form, but in reviewing them again, I've realized 2 things: One, I'm just not going to have the time to do that any time soon and Two, the somewhat disjointed feeling of the notes actually captures the busy pace of those last days.
So please forgive the rough read this time....please feel free to skim...you'll still get the idea....and of course if you don't like reading stuff like this just skip it - that's fine too and you won't hurt my feelings...actually, I won't even know, will I?
********
As many of you know, Janie's dying came up rather suddenly. We had made the decision (as I'll explain below) to stop any more treatments, but for whatever reasons had thought we might be able to have (at least) the summer together.
So I thought I'd relate the last few weeks leading up to her death.
Christine Besaw was a wingnut. She knew this because I would say it to her face. She'd bounce in to my 8th grade bible class and wouldn't know that I had seen her making goofy faces at my daughter Becca out in the hall.
"Good morning Mr. Booth," she'd say sweetly.
"Good morning Miss Besaw. You're a wingnut."
It turned out that Chrissy only had three more years to live.
Donald Miller has a great post here about parenting without 'judging.' I want to be a good listener like Jon & Tim Foreman's dad.
In other news, we're still hanging in. School is ending for the year and so we'll hit a new stride as summer kicks in. Carly said something about a summer to do list that included ninja classes and hang gliding. Not really...more like campfires, guitars and Jane Austen marathons. Ah, summertime....
So you may have been wondering what has been happening with the Booths since Janie died on May 8th, three weeks ago today. First of all, we are doing ok. We're going to be alright! God is holding the Booths right under his wing, like a mother hen with its chicks in the storm.
There are really only two times that I miss Janie: day time and night time. Yes, we all miss her, but I can't begin to describe how happy we are that she is not suffering any more...and beyond that, the thought of her being in the very presence of Christ is just intoxicating when I let myself imagine it.
Anyway, it has been a very busy three weeks! Here's a summary:
The Memorial Celebration for Janie on May 15 was amazing. It was full of life and energy and sunshine and MUSIC! Oh, the singing was so great, and of course that is what Janie had said she wanted: great, joyful Christ exalting music, played not at dirge-speed but at Janie-speed (read: warp-speed..not really, but it was fun to type). She also had requested that
Janie listened to "Hold Me Jesus" by Rich Mullins a lot in the last few years. Thought you might enjoy it and if you yourself are going through some hard stuff...may it be a blessing to you. (click 'Read More' to get to the video).
Here's Janie's obituary which ran in the Rutland Herald today. Yep, it's a pretty surreal thing to turn the page to see it. Janie used to look at the obits a little too often for my liking and I'd get on her case - "stop looking at that! It's morose!" She'd reply, "just checking....nope, not there yet!"
Janie said many times near the end, "I'm really not afraid of dying - I am going 'to be with Christ which is better by far' (Philippians 1:23). I'm just concerned for you and the kids." I'd tell her not to worry, and that she wasn't so indispensible. And we'd laugh because we both knew it wasn't true. Janie was a real-life-dynamo-super-mom-awesome-wife-best-friend-great-cook-especially-desserts-sweet-dispositioned-but-ruthless-at-cards-gifted-musician-loved-anything-miniature-invest-in-others-didn't-waste-her-life kind of person. And so very much more of course.
Ok, we've decided that the Celebration of Janie's life / memorial service (still deciding on what to call it obviously) will be this Saturday, May 15 at 10:00 am at Calvary Bible Church. The address is 2 Meadow Lane, Rutland, VT 05701. The church's phone number is 802-775-0358. There will be no 'calling hours,' just the celebration at the church on Saturday.
Um, this next part will seem a little unusual and non-traditional: Janie made a fairly adamant request that no one wear black, but rather, that everyone come ready to celebrate that she is now in the presence of her Lord...so we will honor that request with bright colorful clothes!
Also, she requested that chocolate be served...so bring your sweet tooth! Seriously! Those of you who know her at all are not surprised and are smiling about her requests....so am I. They are 'so Janie.'
And here's a neat-o thing: in addition to the guest book, we have created a blog called Janie's Purple Pen where anyone can leave a story about their experiences with Janie.
Thanks for your prayers...we're hanging in there and are experiencing God's special grace during this time.
Well, I'm sorry to lay this on you if you haven't heard yet, because it will seem rather abrupt, but well, I have to plunge right in and hope you all will take it ok:
Janie at last went to be with the Lord today. Her suffering has ended and even better than that, she is now face to face with her Jesus who she loves so much.
She started to not feel well at 9:30 this morning and her breathing degraded quickly through the morning. She never was in any pain and God was very merciful in taking her very quickly; by 1:00 this afternoon she was in His very presence. She was surrounded by her family and she was able to stay right here at home - no more hospitals! It was very sweet and bittersweet and right and if I may say it, a very pure time. Sacred. I hope to tell more of that story for you someday later.
Even while we cry, we also celebrate for her because we know in our hearts that she is now filled with inexpressible joy as she is with God in heaven at last. I also want to send out a big thanks to all of our friends and family who have been praying for us for these last six years - you mean so much to us.
We had a special gift from God this afternoon: He gave us a huge double rainbow! A wonderful reminder that our God is a God who makes and keeps promises (Genesis 9:12-16). And one of His promises that I am hanging onto through this is that he will never leave us or forsake us (Joshua 1:5). We are all being held in his arms, just like he held her all this time. I had to take a picture of it so I could share it here with you.
I'll put up some details soon regarding when and where a memorial service will be. I'll give a 'teaser' for you tonight though: she wanted the main verse at her service to be Philippians 1:21 "For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain."
I had a good talk with my sister Carol today. One of the things that came up was the ease with which we can get gloomy about heavy stuff and our tendency to stay in the gloom...and how counter-productive that can be for ourselves and the people around us. She suggested I write a post about it and lo! I already had one! I searched my drafts and there it was...the very first post I ever wrote, written back in July of 2009 - for some reason, I've never actually posted it. Just waiting for the 'right' time, I guess...hope that means now...
Anyway, here it is:
I was running nice and early one morning back in April. I'd had to drag myself out of bed to make it happen. Not the usual for me - I'm an early riser (note: that's 'early riser,' not 'morning person,' There is a difference....). But today I
Carly just couldn't take it anymore. She just couldn't stand the fact that I can't type. I 'hunt and peck.' And evidently it's disgusting and ridiculous so she decided to take matters into her own hands. And so began my misery.
Before I go on, let me share a really great moment back at Christmas. Since Carly aspires to be a writer one day, we gave her a cool old Smith Corona Mark I electric typewriter. Remember typewriters? (For those of you under the age of 20, typewriters are for getting typed text onto a piece of paper, like your printer does now. Only this machine does it, one letter at a time, without a word processor or even a computer! Wowie!) Anyway, she opened that baby up and that was it for the day; all three kids were completely distracted from the Olympic sized swimming pool, Bugati motorcycles, and bedside churro machines that we'd gotten them. They were all about the old-school typewriter.
Fast forward four months to yesterday. Carly sat me down at the typewriter
These 3 music videos were all made using only one continuous camera move. How'd they do it? The same way the maestro says you get to Carnegie Hall: practice, practice, practice.(videos are after the jump: click 'Read More' to get there).
You may have seen this amazing image that the Hubble Space Telescope took which showed many, many galaxies all in one image. It's not the most dramatic looking image the Hubble has taken, but to me, its one of the most profound: each one of those galaxies has hundreds of billion stars each. Words fail. We cannot describe the magnitude of even one 500 billion star galaxy, much less billions of galaxies, each containing billions of stars....it boggles the little human mind.
Those galaxies are way out near the 'edges' of the known universe. This video (after the jump) shows
So I'm back from the dentist...just the cleaning by the non-gentle hygenist. I had declined the $10,000 (or thereabouts) x-ray that the hygenist insisted I needed. So she went and tattled to the big cheese, the dentist himself, who came and gave a 2 second poke and prod (one second each) and gravely told her, "put a 'watch' on #18, lower." I'm not worried though. I saw right through their little game: all of it was just a ruse to get me to beg them for an x-ray.
As I lay there with this woman's latex-gloved hands in my space-invaded mouth, I gave in to the thoughts of how much I hate this. I know we all hate the poking and scraping and poking and invasion of the personal space and the poking and the spit-sucking tube...and the poking. I remember thinking, "Ugh, this is so irritating to live in this broken world where Entropy rules and we do our feeble best to stem the tides of tartar, plaque and tooth decay." *grumble, grumble*
Janie and I just watched an episode of the 19th Century British-against-the-French series called Sharpe (with Sean Bean as Major Richard Sharpe, if you know him. Our library has the whole 16 dvd series). This one character, Sharpe's Irish right-hand man named
Here's an excerpt of Stanley Jordan playing Horace Silver's "Song for my Father." Brain melting skill from the master...there's no one better...and to think he was discovered playing his guitar in a New York subway! (videos are after the jump: click 'Read More' to get there.
Carly had this to say about "The Last Battle" on her blog:
Today I finished reading C.S. Lewis' "The Last Battle." It was amazing. I loved how he is able to really weave Christianity into his stories. There were some parts taken straight from the Bible. It made me feel like this dumb world was just getting in the way of Heaven, rather like the dust bunnies that we used to have on top of our ceiling fan. They were clogging it up (sort of) so the nice, clean air was prohibited from being dust (or sin) free!
Back on Good Friday, my friend Pete prayed at the close of the Good Friday Chapel at the Christian School.
Even though there was a mix of ages of kids in the room, as well as many parents, he prayed fervently and long. He extolled the greatness of God, shuddered at the crucifixion of Good Friday, and celebrated the empty tomb of Easter Sunday. Christ is Alive! What Grace!
And I could hear it: there was a beautiful tremble in his voice. So much so, that after he said, "Amen," instead of going back to his seat, he had to leave the room.
My current favorite Relient K song. I know it's a cool, more serious song, especially for Relient K, and it's probably Christian powerpop blasphemy to say it...but I can't help wishing that the Muppets still had their show so Relient K could go on and the whole cast could muppet-dance to this song............
Now that I have experienced for my self - first-hand - the deep and abiding joy that can be found in sniffing a Tahitian Tiare Flower scented Yankee Candle, well, there is no going back, is there? Nate, you are really on to something. My question now is, why did you wait so long to tell me about such a rapturous experience as candle sniffing?
Ahhhh, I just took another whiff of Ocean Blossom. Can't get enough.
Anyone who is willing and able, please send along a nice jar of Summer Rain to him with my thanks and compliments...and get one for yourself while you're at it........
Pastor Nate W is a friend. A really good friend. Which is good because what I am about to do to any reputation he may have would be grounds for a good pummeling...if we weren't such great pals.
Nate is my one really large friend. Large as in muscular. He has 'high muscle definition.' He's jacked. Pumped. Ripped. I tend to hang out with skinny people because I am not exactly of 'Atlasian' proportions myself, so skinny friends make me look
Ok, are you sitting down? Are you ready for some news, some really nice news?
Janie's lungs are not collapsed. Period. That's all! End of story! Good day sir!
We are just thrilled and ecstatic about this news. I'm in shock, really. Janie's cough has been so persistent and she has been so out of breath that we (and I think especially I) have been pretty convinced that her lungs must be at least 70% collapsed. Or 80%. Or 90%. It's been a pretty rough month.
So when Janie went in this morning for her weekly dose of chemo, the nurse who took her vitals and whatnot expressed more than the usual concern over Janie's cough and the fluid buildup in her (Janie's, not the nurse's, heh) legs. So before they did any chemo, it was
In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.
In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.
There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain:
Then bursting forth in glorious Day
Up from the grave he rose again!
And as He stands in victory
Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,
For I am His and He is mine -
Bought with the precious blood of Christ.
No guilt in life, no fear in death,
This is the power of Christ in me;
From life's first cry to final breath.
Jesus commands my destiny.
No power of hell, no scheme of man,
Can ever pluck me from His hand;
Till He returns or calls me home,
Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.
Marc Chagall's Sacrifice of Isaac is a very affecting painting to me. The composition, the movement, the expression, the colors (including what each color might represent) and the symbolism are all artistically pleasing. Together they are all quite moving.
Abraham, following the direct order of God (Genesis 22:2), is about to kill (and burn!) his own son on an altar of sacrifice, though he was fully expecting his son to be raised somehow from the dead (Genesis 22:5, Hebrews 11:17-19). We see over to the left the ram, miraculously - providentially - provided by God, to take the place of the one that was about to die. The pure, spotless ram was provided to turn God's wrath away from the guilty. Freedom at another's expense!
But now wait - who is that in the brown, shadowy area in the back? It's the Son of God, carrying his own cross - walking the horror-road up the hill of death. He's there to be sacrificed for the sins of the world. There are people around him, but make no mistake, he is alone. There is no one to take his place...no ram will be provided. In actuality, Jesus himself will be the spotless, innocent lamb to be slain in the place of the guilty. And by laying down his life as a substitutionary atonement, he will gloriously fulfill Abraham and Isaac's early foreshadow.
It is a sober thing, and appropriate to think about on Holy Saturday, the day we remember that Jesus' body lay in the tomb, dead. I feel so humbled and overwhelmed at the thought of Jesus' deep, deep, cross-pursuing love! Freedom at Another's Expense!
I remember when I was a kid laying awake in the quiet of the night and letting myself get really scared, believing that everyone else on earth *might have...could have...probably...definitely* had disappeared and that I was all alone here on earth. It's a terrifying thought, especially for a little 10 year old.
Alone. Completely alone. Not another soul...anywhere.
I once taught a group of 8th graders, and the lessons included a bit on Hell. And it bugged me that the kids didn't seem too bothered by the thought of Hell, since the bible - most notably Jesus - spoke about Hell as a place of utter despair, where there will be "weeping and gnashing of teeth." Now, I'd been around 8th graders enough to know that it's best not to get too far into describing what "gnashing of teeth" might actually look like, because of the inevitable silliness that will result. Goofy "gnashing" facial expressions, etc. So I tried to sober the room up by giving my own imagined view of what Hell might be like. I carefully gave the disclaimer that this isn't what the bible says Hell is like...this is my own imagining of what the despair of Hell might feel like.
And I took them back to my childhood night terror:
This is from ChristianAnswers.net, and it describes hematohidrosis, the sweating of blood that Jesus experienced in Gethsemane. Here at Easter time, we want to be especially sensitive to Jesus' suffering, and as described here, not all of it was physical. Praise Jesus for "setting his face toward Jerusalem," "sweating great drops of blood" and going to the Cross, "scorning it's shame" in his
Family friend Jim Besaw wrote this for English class...pretty perceptive for an infinitely-distractable-hyperactive-frizzy-haired-skinny-jeans-wearing-Christian-math-core-hippy-freak 17-year-old.
The Recipe For Life
by Jim Besaw Add 3 tsp of Energy, 1 cup of Joy and 2 parents beautifully in love. Let sit for 3 years, then slowly add 2 pinches of curiosity, 5 scoops of adventure, a handful of “I told you so moments” and 4 rancid rotten rebellions. Mix this well for about 5 years and your mixture should begin to turn a soft “know it all” shade. Add 2 tablespoons of questions and continue stirring. Once the mixture has become a soft ball of adolescence, you should roll 13 to 14 small balls of hormones onto a tray of conflict. Bake these on a temperature of about “the flaming fury that your parents feel as they find out you’ve borrowed the car to go to your boyfriend's/girlfriend's house”. Once they turn a golden shade of wisdom, you should take them out and let them cool off until they are hard and or firm from the hardships of life. Finally they are ready to be frosted with a life well spent with the ones you love.
A wise man once told me, "there are two kinds of people in the world. There are "fillers," who, once you've been around them, you feel "filled" with cheer and encouragement. And then there are the "drainers," the people who drain your emotional energy and make you feel discouraged. I only want to be a filler."
I like that. And I think that for some of us, being the "filler" takes a little more work. I want to try harder at being a bit more of an encourager - even with this blog - though I still want to be as transparent and honest as possible while I grapple and report on life here in "Boothland." It's a balancing act...or maybe an art.
Do you ever think about how you relate to other people? Are you a "drainer" or a "filler?"
Recently there was a "day of prayer" over at Jon Acuff's blog, "Stuff Christians Like." This was neat since it was a 'virtual' thing. Anyone could sign up for a one-hour slot and pray for requests that were posted there at the blog. I got in a little late, but I figured, "well, why not put in a request for Janie anyway?" She'd been having a pretty bad day, coughing and just exhausted really.
So I went on and shared a bit about her story, just a few sentences and, well, I admit I paused a bit before I hit "add comment." I thought, "is this dumb? Is this silly? These people don't know Janie. It's so anonymous. So impersonal."
Here's another performance of John Mark McMillan's "How He Loves Us," this time by Jared Anderson who is new to me. He did a really nice job and I love this song.
Hi! It's been a little while since we've updated you on Janie's situation, so...here goes........
Weekly chemo continues, and we really are so thankful for the technology! There are new chemotherapies being developed all the time and we of course pray for a cure. We never let up praying that Janie will be 100% healed!
The blood test called ca27-29 rose by quite a bit (up to 145 from the mid-90's) so it is time for Janie to move on to another chemotherapy drug. The new one is actually a return to
My Grammie, if she were alive today, would have been 100 years old today. She was born on August 14th, 1910. She lived through the roaring twenties, the Great Depression, the 2nd World War, the Lunar Landings, and of course all the of the mundane day to day stuff that we call, "life." 
Here's Janie's obituary which ran in the Rutland Herald today. Yep, it's a pretty surreal thing to turn the page to see it. Janie used to look at the obits a little too often for my liking and I'd get on her case - "stop looking at that! It's morose!" She'd reply, "just checking....nope, not there yet!"
I had a good talk with my sister Carol today. One of the things that came up was the ease with which we can get gloomy about heavy stuff and our tendency to stay in the gloom...and how counter-productive that can be for ourselves and the people around us. She suggested I write a post about it and lo! I already had one! I searched my drafts and there it was...the very first post I ever wrote, written back in July of 2009 - for some reason, I've never actually posted it. Just waiting for the 'right' time, I guess...hope that means now...
Carly had this to say about "The Last Battle" on her blog:
A wise man once told me, "there are two kinds of people in the world. There are "fillers," who, once you've been around them, you feel "filled" with cheer and encouragement. And then there are the "drainers," the people who drain your emotional energy and make you feel discouraged. I only want to be a filler."
